I picked a very strange and random time to go back to plurk last week and was there only a small while before leaving again. Most won’t ever understand why, but while I enjoy most aspects of plurk I find myself quickly overly distracted and affected by it so I manage it in small doses, and then quietly sneak away again, unnoticed. While I was there a couple of events went on that will forever change how Second Life and plurk is for some people. Arguments. Connections. The loss of a valued member of the community. Each one of them teaching us that this place we all find ourselves escaping to, or adding to, or replacing our real physical lives, can be turned upside down on us in the blink of an eye. Some of us wander around feeling bitter, filled with hatred and anger…while others are able to distance themselves from the negative side of it all and are consistently happy and sharing that with everyone they meet. I sat back last night and had a long hard talk with myself, I do this often, and asked which I was? Was I walking around bitter? Angry at the poor choices I, and those around me, had made over the years? Or was I happy with what life has given me? Thankful for every moment and looking forward to the next? What was I taking for granted in my every day activities and what could I do to improve myself so that, when I leave for good, I have lived my life in a way that I would have no regrets.
There are some absolutely beautiful challenge posts out now that are showing who and where people are making huge improvements in their lives. They are also sharing just how thankful they are, through newly refreshed eyes, for those around them. I admire each and every one of these posts and am thankful that I got to sit and read through them. They are truly an inspiration and contributed to my little chat with myself as well. Every day we are surrounded by the negative. It exists around every corner, in those close to us, and those we keep far away. There is also the positive. It weaves its magic in and around every negative situation and emotion and can twist and turn it all into something amazing, if you let it. Over the last few years I have struggled with this dance between negative and positive. I have succumbed to the negative more than I would care to admit, myself becoming that negative force and causing damage where I never intended for it to be. The last couple of months, however, I have finally succeeded in finding how to balance myself on steady feet long enough to see the positive that surrounds me every single day. I’ve let it play through my fingers until I could grab a hold and follow each move until I match its pace, its rhythm, and let it control my life instead of the negative that once gripped me so tightly. I still stumble. I still faulter. I still slip and slide and sometimes feel the physical pain of wondering what goes on that I don’t know about and might affect me. At those times I grab onto one of the most positive things I have in my life, my best friend and kindred spirit.
Through her eyes I see a different me. The me that I hope I am, and that I strive to be. The me that sometimes gets lost, but is never tested or judged by her, just grabbed by the hair and swiftly kicked in the rear back on track. She holds me up when I swear to the world I am falling apart, and sets me down, lays next to me and just rides out the storm when I am unsure of what to do next. Last night she helped me let go. Its so simple to say, isn’t it? Let it go. Walk away from the past, the negative, because your past isn’t who you are. It is simply the path you had to walk to get to who you are today. Who are you letting that path make you? I know who I am now, I know who I always have been, and always wanted to be. I strayed off the path a couple of times, making stops at ‘crazy bitch city’ and ‘dumbass alley’ (those were my places of residence) but I saw where I was and quickly moved out! Every time, there she was, holding my bags, with a smile telling me she was waiting for me! For a while she has had to reach over and turn my face forward again. I have fought through the constant last little strand of connection with people that I knew it was best to let go of. Not a connection of hate, on my part, but of worry. Of concern and caring because when a friendship ends, my feelings don’t. I still want them to do well, cringe if I see them making bad choices, and hope for the best for their future. I don’t have the energy to hate anyone, but I will no longer worry if they do and hold that hatred in for me. This is my path now. This is where I am. This is where I belong and have been aiming for. This is where I see my challenges and all the improvements I need to make…to be kinder in my words, softer in my reactions, open in expressing my compassion and firm in my level of tolerance…and I am working on them every single step of the way, pausing every now and then and reminding myself, asking myself… ‘Are you who you want to be today?’
Fashion in these pictures can be found at the August round of C88. Collabor88 is celebrating their 2nd aniversary (really? I swear, I didn’t realize that much time had passed already! Congrats!) and the items you can find here this month are absolutely amazing! Fabulous jobs to all the designers and thank you for all your hard work!
Have an amazing weekend SLers. Make good choices, take care in your actions, and remember everyone you meet is going through their own struggle, so be kind to one another.
Pose 1 and 2 : Glitterati (on MP)
Pose 3 : Exposure (@ C88, single pose mirrored and put together)
(AMD) Edith Necklace – White
/Wasabi Pills/ Claudette Mesh Hair – Gingerbread
Ingenue :: Pickford Heels :: Blush
P.C; Water Over Wine Ring
Slink Mesh Feet
Slink Mesh Hands
The Secret Store – Sequined Flapper Dress
Izzie’s – Kaelyn 20′s Skin (nude lips)
IKON Ardent Eyes – Skyfall (S)
“”D!va”” Hair “Layla” (Type B)(Rhodolite)
*Sin Skins* Portia Lashes
Ingenue :: Pickford Heels :: Plum
Slink Mesh Feet
Slink Mesh Hands
The Secret Store – Sequined Flapper Dress V2 – Plum
-Glam Affair – Lulu ( Jamaica ) 02 B
[Crash Republic] Gem Eyes – indigo