Insanity is defined as doing the same thing and expecting different results. I started 2013 the same way that I lived 2012, with pure insanity. I wanted change, I wanted to find the person I was instead of remaining the absolutely crazy person I had become. I wanted to improve myself, yet I was standing still, stomping my feet, demanding the world revolve around me and become what *I* felt it should be. Yep, absolute insanity. I made it to February that way. Temper tantrums and all, I maintained my stubborn bitchdom and even watched as others fell to the wayside of my path of destruction. Then, I took a look at the behavior and surroundings that were causing my insanity and, well, removed it. I figured it was like a drug. Quit it, cold turkey. Stay away from it and keep it out of my system and I could get away from being the crack addict and get back to being me. Was it that easy?
The first quarter of the year I started wiping the slate clean. Well, perhaps not clean, but I was scrubbing away at my life. Abrasive side and all, baring who I was, dissecting it, and ripping it to shreds. Then, taking the time to find the good pieces that, somehow, held strong, and put them back together again. I destroyed myself through accusations, assumptions, and cleansed myself from all of it to find a place that was finally devoid of all…insanity.
Not to be misunderstood, the insanity was of my own making. My hand turned that wheel. My behavior caused those issues. My silence often made it worse while my big mouth sent it spiraling out of control, too. Was I always wrong? Oh no, make no mistake, I had my place in it all, but I wasn’t *always* wrong. However, at this point, I’ve let go of who, what, where, when or why. Its amazing how light it feels to let. that. go. Building that bridge and getting over it took a while, but its behind me and I am a better person for having been through it all.
Now? I find myself starting in a completely different place, having spent the year 2013 in a world I had long forgotten existed within Second Life. A world where I could love and be loved without condition or demands. Mine, or theirs. Where I could see people from my past, and be happy for them as they move on to the things they want so much in this world, and their real ones. Where I could grow as a person, find that it is ok to love people without claiming ownership and let them simply be who they are, and they won’t leave me because I let go of that control. Totally. New. Concept.
This year? I want to be the compassionate, empathetic and caring person I have always striven to be. As much as I would like to re-write the past, I know I cannot, and I know I owe some people deep heart felt apologies (the who might surprise even me, and the people not on the list might as well) about the way my insanity had a part in making their 2012 as chaotic as mine was. Yet, at the end of the day, I want 2014 to continue to grow and progress the way 2013 did. I am at a place that gives me stability (which I craved with the deepest part of me for so long) and security. I am happy to still be here. Thrilled to take the time proving the world wrong. Excited to see where it all ends up. Finally….glad to see everyone becoming exactly who they really are, finding what they desire and ending this year, simply…happy.
No, there are no credits. These are simply pictures I took of my winter sim. I enjoyed creating it and sharing it with my family, and its already gone. For anyone that got through all of my ramblage, thank you! You are a saint…and I cannot wait to see where your year leads you, too!